145 Dirty Riddles That’ll Bring Out Your Naughty Side

dirty-riddles

Let’s put that dirty intellect to the test with some nasty and hilarious dirty riddles for adults. These dirty mind riddles with answers will make you and anyone with whom you share them blush all night!

Some of these dirty riddles with answers look to be dirty, but they are simply riddles that sound filthy to a dirty mind, while others leave no mistake and can only be answered with a wink and a smile.

These best dirty minded riddles are the ones that aren’t actually dirty but are intended to make you feel like a complete freak for believing the punchline was sexual (when it was really something like a plate).

These nasty riddles with answers can fuel passion and light up the night with the fires of love, making them ideal for flirtatious couples and romantic times.

Warning: These dirty riddles are only appropriate for adults, not youngsters.

Best Dirty Riddles

These best dirty riddles will confuse your friends and make them feel guilty and ashamed for believing the punchline was sexual. With our selection of the finest dirty minded riddles packed of filth from the darkest corners of the internet, you can stump all your friends and see who has the absolute dirtiest mind.

1. What’s a four-letter word that ends in “k” and means the same as intercourse?

Answer: Talk.

2. You use your hand to whack me off, the bigger I am, the louder I make people scream. What am I?

Answer: A spider.

3. I come in a lot of different sizes. Sometimes, I drip a little. If you blow me, it feels really good. What am I?

Answer: Your nose.

4. People use their hands to go up and down me, I’m very long and very hard. What am I?

Answer: A railing

5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?

Answer: A tent.

6. Every man has me. I’m a word that begins with the letter “P” and for me to grow, I need stimulation. What am I?

Answer: The pupils of his eye

7. What four-letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k,” and if you can’t get it you can always just use your hands?

Answer: A fork.

8. I come with a great pair and people love to eat me. What am I?

Answer: A lobster.

9. All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

Answer: An elevator.

10. I absolutely love holding your buns all day. What am I?

Answer: A hair tie.

11. I’m spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. Sometimes people lick my nuts. What am I?

Answer: Peanut butter.

12. I once let over 1000 different people inside me, until I was ripped open by something long and hard. What am I?

Answer: The Titanic.

13. What three-letter word starts with an “s,” ends with “x,” and has a vowel in the middle?

Answer: Six.

14. The more popular you are, the more you get. You can do it with yourself, but it’s always better with someone else involved. What am I?

Answer: Email.

15. I start with a “p” and end with “o-r-n.” I’m a major player in the film industry. What am I?

Answer: Popcorn.

Funny Dirty Riddles

There you have it, few of the best dirty funny riddles for you to share with your friends, family, lovers, or anybody else who appreciates a good laugh. And, let’s face it, who doesn’t want to be a part of that?

1. When I go in, I can cause some pain. I’ll fill your holes when you ask me to. I also ask that you spit and not swallow. What am I?

Answer: Your dentist.

2. You can go on top of me or underneath and I always involve a bed. What am I?

Answer: A bunk bed.

3. I assist with erections. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I’m known as a big swinger. What am I?

Answer: A crane.

4. My business is briefs. I’m a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it regularly. What am I?

Answer: A lawyer.

5. What’s beautiful and natural, but gets prickly if it isn’t trimmed regularly?

Answer: The lawn.

6. What makes men’s voices louder than women’s?

Answer: Their antenna.

7. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

Answer: A seatbelt.

8. What can you find in a man’s pants that you’ll never find in a woman’s?

Answer: Pockets.

9. What does a dog do that a man steps into?

Answer: Pants.

10. I’m great for protection. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

Answer: Gloves.

11. Name a word that starts with “f” and ends with “u-c-k”?

Answer: Firetruck!

12. What is something that people keep in their trousers that their partners love to blow?

Answer: Money.

Dirty Riddles with Answers

The best thing about becoming older is being able to enjoy filthy content that would have gotten us in trouble in high school. We’re talking about dirty riddles. Now there’s a new kind of question to enjoy: filthy riddles with absolutely innocent answers. Enjoy these dirty riddles with answers that have shockingly clean answers!

1. I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?

Answer: A bowling ball.

2. I have a long shaft. I always penetrate with the tip first and I always come with a quiver. What am I?

Answer: Arrow.

3. What’s made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?

Answer: Erasers.

4. I’m the most fun when you put me in small holes and wiggle me around. What am I?

Answer: A Q-tip.

5. It’s a fun thing to do and you devote a significant amount of energy to thinking about it, but you hate knowing that your parents are doing it. What is it?

Answer: Facebook.

6. I’m long, usually smooth and have the word ‘cum’ in me. What am I?

Answer: A cuCUMber.

7. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?

Answer: Toothpaste.

8. I’m small and hard, but holes love me. What am I?

Answer: A key.

9. Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

Answer: The one who can eat the last donut!

10. I’m usually around six inches long, taste great in your mouth and sometimes salty but tastes better with butter?

Answer: Corn on the cob.

11. What’s most useful when it’s long and hard?

Answer: An education.

12. I’m usually six inches long, roughly two inches wide, and everyone loves having me in their pants?

Answer: A $100 bill.

13. Many people like these to be as long as possible, but short ones can be effective. It’s definitely possible for them to be too long. What are they?

Answer: Tweets.

Naughty and Dirty Riddles

In this section, we have gathered some naughty riddles to choose from. Before you begin, keep in mind that not every response to these sexually explicit questions will be as spicy as you may expect.

1. What does a woman have two of that a cow has four of?

Answer: LEGS.

2. What do newly married couples get on their wedding day that’s long and sometimes hard?

Answer: A new last name.

3. Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

Answer: Your wedding band.

4. Take off my coat, then eat me. What am I?

Answer: A banana.

5. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?

Answer: Put a nipple on it.

6. Doesn’t matter what room we are in, you can always spread me. What am I?

Answer: Butter.

7. What is soft and wet on the inside while hard and hairy on the outside? The word begins with “c,” ends in “t,” and there’s a “u” and an “n” between them.

Answer: A coconut.

8. You put me in your mouth and have endless fun blowing me. What am I?

Answer: Chewing gum.

9. What’s long and hard when it’s young and soft and small when it’s old?

Answer: A candle.

10. When I’m wet, I’m soft and gentle but when I’m dry, I’m hard and rough. What am I?

Answer: Sponge.

11. I am always hard when dry but smooth and soft when wet. What am I?

Answer: Sponge.

12. I can be long and hard, or short and soft, But I always get the job done. What am I?

Answer: A candle.

13. I go in hard, come out soft, and you love to blow me. What am I?

Answer: Chewing gum.

14. I’m hard and hairy on the outside but soft and wet on the inside. What’s inside me tastes great in your mouth. What am I?

Answer: A coconut.

15. What’s at least six inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun when it vibrates?

Answer: An electric toothbrush.

Sexual and Dirty Riddles

We know a few dirty riddles that will instantly get your partner in the mood if you’re a girl who likes to spice things up in the bedroom. They’re not just seductive, but also amusing. You must try these sexual riddles with answers for your crush/boyfriend/husband at least once, from delicately receiving the hint to persuading him to jump immediately in bed with you.

1. You play with it at night and it vibrates. What is it?

Answer: A cell phone.

2. I can be short or long, I bring people great joy and you can have multiple at the same time. What am I?

Answer: Tweets.

3. What is the difference between a woman’s G-spot and a quarter?

Answer: Men actually have a chance of finding a quarter when they search for it.

4. Most people love having me in their mouth first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and I’ll leave you feeling refreshed. What am I?

Answer: Toothbrush.

5. You truly enjoy this when you spread it. What is it?

Answer: Butter.

6. You do it. Your friends do it. Your parents do it. And sometimes, even your granny does it. What am I?

Answer: Facebook.

7. You can’t taste it unless you undress it. What is it?

Answer: A banana.

8. I prevent any “little mistakes” and I’m made of rubber. What am I?

Answer: Erasers.

9. What do you insert in a small hole and twist all the way around?

Answer: A Q-tip.

10. Most people AND their significant others finger me on their first date. What am I?

Answer: A bowling ball.

11. What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

Answer: The taste.

12. You can use your hands OR your mouth to get me off. What am I?

Answer: Gloves.

13. What goes in dry and hard but comes out wet and soft?

Answer: Pasta.

14. I work with briefs and I’m amazing when using my mouth. What am I?

Answer: A lawyer.

Nasty and Dirty Riddles

Are you willing to give them a try? Awesome! Here are some nasty riddles you may ask your partner to get him in the mood and make him laugh out loud. Tigress, woo him away with some amusing, filthy, and clever riddles!

1. What’s the speed limit of sex?

Answer: It’s 68, but at 69 you have to turn around.

2. I’m short afterwards, but long before being used. I’m always light and I end in “ICK” What am I?

Answer: Wick.

3. What is the difference between “ooooooh” and “aaaaaaah”?

Answer: About three inches.

4. I asked my girlfriend for doggystyle today.

Answer: So she rubbed my face in pee.

5. I can be seen at home or with a huge public screen. I begin with P and end in O-R-N. What am I?

Answer: Popcorn.

6. I fit perfectly between b0obs, get longer when you pull on me and slide neatly into small holes. What am I?

Answer: A seatbelt.

7. What is super hard and goes into a tiny hole?

Answer: A key.

8. Cut me regularly or, if you want to be selfish, get someone to do it for you before it gets prickly. What am I?

Answer: The lawn.

9. All men have it. Some have theirs longer than others sometimes depending on where they come from. The Pope and most Catholic bishops rarely use theirs. Men usually give it to their wives once they are married. What am I?

Answer: Their last name.

10. I’m a swinger with giant balls, and I’m perfect at helping to get erect. What am I?

Answer: A crane.

11. You have to blow it to play with it. What is it?

Answer: A balloon.

12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?

Answer: An arrow, of course!

Inappropriate and Dirty Riddles

The answers to these allegedly inappropriate riddles for adults aren’t precisely what they appear to be if you’re dirty minded. Give them a shot and discover how dirty your mind is!

1. What does every woman have that starts with a “v” that she can use to get what she wants?

Answer: Her voice.

2. I’m a 3-letter word that ends with the letters E-X, and I’m guaranteed to come every day?

Answer: Six.

3. What do men keep in their pants that their partners sometimes blow?

Answer: Money.

4. I come from nuts, can be very sticky and I taste amazing in your mouth. What am I?

Answer: Peanut butter.

5. What does a man have in his trousers that a lady doesn’t want on her face?

Answer: Wrinkles.

6. People love being inside me, and my shaft goes up and down every day. What am I?

Answer: An elevator.

7. You get a lot of it if you’re important and successful; you get less when you’re just starting out. You sometimes do it with yourself if you need to, but it’s a lot better when it’s with other people. What is it?

Answer: Email.

8. What is Snoop Dogg’s favourite gardening tool?

Answer: Hoes.

9. Why is a man’s voice louder than a woman’s?

Answer: Men have an antenna.

10. Women can’t get enough of me, and I rhyme with “sock”. What am I?

Answer: Talk.

11. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s is big. Donald Trump’s is small. And Madonna doesn’t have one. What is it?

Answer: A last name.

12. What happens when a lady gets something she really enjoys?

Answer: It makes her whole week.

13. Some people prefer being on top, others prefer being on the bottom, and it always involves a bed. What is it?

Answer: A bunk bed.

14. Why is sex like a good steak?

Answer: Hours of prep work, just to be told “Well done”.

Dirty Riddles for Adults

Despite the fact that these are nasty riddles with clean answers, they are only appropriate for adults, not children. To get you in the mood, here are a few dirty riddles for adults.

1. I grow in a bed, first white then red, and the plumper I get, the better women like me. What am I?

Answer: A strawberry.

2. What’s long, pink, and makes women scream?

Answer: A Bridesmaid Dress

3. I’m long, hard, and I point up. I have to be slippery for you to go down me. You put your hands on me and then go up and down. What am I?

Answer: Railing.

4. What’s long, hard and tastes great in your mouth?

Answer: Pi.

5. What holds your buns firmly and makes them look round and pretty?

Answer: A hair tie.

6. What 4 letter word do some women love having inside them?

Answer: Baby.

7. What gets wetter when things get steamy?

Answer: Steamboats.

14. If you see me in bed, you whack me off. The bigger I am, the louder you scream. Seeing what’s between my hairy legs will make your skin crawl. What am I?

Answer: A spider.

9. An expensive piece of tail, I come with a large “pair.” What am I?

Answer: A lobster.

10. You put your hands on me the first thing in the morning. You always play with me in bed before you get to sleep. I mostly live in your pants and I am always in your mind, you cannot live without me. What am I?

Answer: A smartphone.

11. What does a man have that begins with “P” and gets bigger if it’s properly stimulated?

Answer: The pupil of his eye.

12. I am mostly six inches long. I go in and out of your mouth in a rhythmic pattern. I am more comfortable when wet and very unpleasant when dry. I can be more fun when I vibrate. In the end, I make you happy and confident. Who am I?

Answer: A toothbrush.

Dirty Riddles for Your Crush

In this section, we have plucked few dirty riddles for your crush for you. Ask your crush these questions, and you’ll have a lot of fun with him, as well as some uncontrollable passion!

1. What’s beautiful and natural but gets long and prickly if it isn’t trimmed regularly?

Answer: Grass.

2. I am a five letters word starting with “P”. Women really love to get their hands on me. What am I?

Answer: Purse.

3. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?

Answer: A newspaper delivery person.

4. Every time you blow me, I get bigger and tighter when you wrap your lips around my head. What am I?

Answer: A balloon.

5. What’s the best part of your body to put into a pie?

Answer: Your teeth.

6. I start with the letter “V”. Everyone has me. Women sometimes use me to manipulate men to get what they want. What am I?

Answer: Voice.

7. I am dirty, people like to put their wood in me, but only Santa goes down on me. What am I?

Answer: A fireplace.

8. I come in different sizes, shapes and colors. I occasionally drip. It can sometimes feel good when I am blown and sometimes, it can be painful. What am I?

Answer: Nose.

9. Why is a happy sex life like a good steak?

Answer: It’s rare.

10. Most of the time when I go in, I cause some pain. I can fill your holes when asked to. I sometimes ask you to spit and not swallow it. Who am I?

Answer: A dentist.

11. What’s the difference between amazing sex and this joke?

Answer: You actually get the joke.

12. You’ll find them in different sizes. If it’s chilly outside, it drips. And, if you blow it, it feels like heaven. What is it?

Answer: A nose, you dirty mind! *wink*

13. What is more rewarding when it is hard and long?

Answer: A College.

14. Unless you spread it, you can’t enjoy it. What is it?

Answer: If you thought butter, then you’re correct!

15. I drip when you take me in the mouth. What am I?

Answer: Ice Cream.

Dirty Riddles That Make You Laugh

Think you’re up for a good laugh with your friends or by yourself as you try to figure out the answers to these dirty riddles that make you laugh? Check them out and have a lot of laughter.

1. It has two feathery hoops and is used to chain you in bed. What is it?

Answer: A pair of sexy handcuffs.

2. I am sometimes long and sometimes short. I am usually warm. What am I?

Answer: Poop.

3. What’s the white, sticky stuff most girls like, but instead of swallows, spits out?

Answer: A toothpaste! Get it?

4. Some people like to keep me trimmed, others keep me long. Everywhere seems to get covered in it. What am I?

Answer: Grass.

5. What goes in hard and comes out wet, squishy and sticky?

Answer: Bubble gum! What were you thinking?

6. Shaped like a stick, I am long and hard. I also have a head and a shaft. What am I?

Answer: A cane.

7. You can’t taste it until you undress it. What is it?

Answer: A banana! It’s pretty obvious, no?

8. I am sometimes short and sometimes long. Women generally demand my full attention. What am I?

Answer: Conversation.

9. All men have one, some got long some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married.

Answer: Answer: His last name! This wasn’t so tough, right?

10. I am clean when you wash me and dirty when you don’t. People rub me and shake me sometimes. What am I?

Answer: Hands.

11. I am dirty, I love being filled with wood, but someone only goes down on me once a year. What am I?

Answer: A fireplace.

12. Your finger fits right in it. You play with it when you’re bored. Once you’re married, you’re stuck with the same one forever. What is it?

Answer: A ring.

13. Everytime I come, it’s news. I often hit your bush, but only when my aim is bad. What am I?

Answer: A newspaper delivery person.

14. What four letter word ends in “it” and can be found at the bottom of bird cages?

Answer: Grit.

Final Thoughts on Dirty Riddles

Since you’ve made it this far, your dirty mind should be able to handle the stiff and formal. So put the mental broom and dustpan away and keep going. You may have observed that there are a lot of dirty riddles with clean answers.

We understand that one of the perks of “adulting” is being able to be a little dirty while exercising your sexy brain. That’s why we’ve compiled this amazing collection of dirty riddles and answers available on the internet. These puzzles are difficult, amusing, and a little dirty all at the same time.

Join us on a voyage that will take your mind to areas it never imagined it would be today. We’ve spent hours compiling the best dirty riddles that will provide you with infinite enjoyment on demand, wherever you are!

So go ahead and pamper yourself by giving your funny bone some much-needed care with these dirty minded riddles!

If you’re looking for an amazing way to unwind, try these adult riddles. These are, once again, just for adults!

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