83 Axe-cellent Axe Puns to Crack You Up

axe-puns

Below is a collection of the best axe puns that we’ve compiled for you. An axe is a man-made tool that has been used to shape, split, and cut wood, collect timber, and as a weapon for 1.5 million years.

The modern axe has a head and a handle, but the stone-age hand axe did not have one. It’s hardly strange that there are so many puns about axes because it’s a tool that’s practically as old as time.

If you enjoy being outside or go on a lot of camping vacations, having these axe puns in your arsenal can be just the thing to drive your friends crazy. When it comes to exploring and taming the land, every party needs someone to keep morale high.

Let’s get started on the funniest axe throwing puns without further ado. Enjoy!

Best Axe Puns

In this category, we have plucked some best axe puns for you. These puns are the best whether you’re looking for axe play on words or witty puns about one of the various ways you can use an axe. Dive in!

1. Where does a lumberjack buy his axes? At the “Chopping Maul.”

2. Did you hear about the lumberjack who lost his job? They gave him the axe, he just couldn’t hack it.

3. I came home to find an axe buried in my PC. I think it has been hacked!

4. Why was the spreadsheet afraid of its chart? Because it has multiple axes.

5. I have an axe that was once owned by George Washington. My great-great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my grandfather had to replace the blade, but it’s Washington’s axe.

6. Only two things in life are certain: death and axes. The former usually follows the latter.

7. Do you know what do trees and people have in common? Both of them always fall down when being hit many times with a shape axe.

8. Do you hear about the lumberjack who loses his job today? His manager just gives him the axe!

9. The most obvious difference between a lumberjack and other professions is that the lumberjack will get the axe after being hired.

10. What’s a different word for an axe? Chopstick.

11. What do you call it when you break your pick axe while working? A miner inconvenience.

12. I’m the proud owner of an axe that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln. I replaced the head once, and the handle twice, but it feels good to own a piece of American history.

13. I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood. – He was hauling adze!

14. A lumberjack chooses a tree to chop down. Before he has a chance to swing his axe, the tree exclaims, “WAIT! Don’t do this! I’m a talking tree!” – The lumberjack responds, “Good. Then you will dialogue.”

Funny Axe Puns

Here we have assembled few funny axe puns to make everyone laugh in your camping site. Don’t axe us if we think these axe puns are hilarious; we think they’re excellent.

1. I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. Now when I talk, I have this weird axe-scent!

2. I axe myself whether it is really necessary to chop down that tree in my garden.

3. It’s difficult to understand what these lumberjacks are trying to say because they speak with a thick axe-cent.

4. I killed a dentist with an axe but only got charged with manslaughter. My lawyer said it was an axe-a-dental death

5. Sorry mate, I broke your axe head. Hope you can handle it.

6. I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell. I love foreign axe scents.

7. Stevens is going to have a date with his new girlfriend this night, so he borrows me my shaving foam, hair gel, and … my Axe.

8. Do you know why three-dimensional items or tools are so good at chopping or cutting down trees? It is simply because they all have 3 axes.

9. Why can’t Barbarians keep their hands off their axes? All that cleavage.

10. My friend is always bragging about his woodworking tool like an axe but with the cutting edge perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.

11. What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet. An AXEIDENT.

12. Whats the difference between being a lumberjack and any other job? – You get the axe when you’re hired not fired.

Hilarious Axe Puns

Axe puns aren’t something you think about every day, but they’re a lot of fun! That’s why; we have collected few best hilarious axe puns for making your day. Enjoy!

1. My friend got arrested for saying he was an axe murderer. Turns out he’s just a really bad guitarist.

2. I spent two hours looking for my axe. And then it hit me!

3. In the middle of the battle, the soldier pulled his comrade aside and said: “Just take a few minutes to rel-axe! I don’t want you to get a splitting headache!”

4. I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.

5. I was disappointed when it turned out the axe I bought to climb with was useless for the job. It was an anti-climb axe.

6. The lumberjack who was constantly late for work said to his boss: “Don’t axe me, I don’t know how to handle this!”.

7. I still remember the last words that my grandpa talked to me before she passed away last night “Hey John, what are you doing with your axe?”

8. I’m sorry man I think I broke your axe head… Hope you can handle fixing it.

9. My 8-year-old son asked me to buy him two axes for his birthday… I told him ok, I’d get him an X and a Y… my 12-year-old cracked up, the 8-year-old was confused. I still look at it as a win.

10. Hey teacher, what would you do if someone came up to you with a huge axe? I’d answer their important question.

11. Fill in the blank: Friends are like_____– mine is “Friends are like trees, if you hit them with an axe they fall over.”

12. In avengers endgame when Thor cuts off thanos’ head with an axe some blood hits nebula. – I guess you could she’s covered in axe body spray.

13. Yesterday, I threw an axe at the car of my father and left a large dent in the door. Fortunately, he was not angry and said that “Do not worry son, it was just an axe – dent!”

Axe Puns One Liners

With the axe’s widespread popularity and cultural significance, it’s no surprise that people have made plenty of axe one liners about it. We’ve compiled a list of puns related to axe to help you have a good time with your friends and family.

1. In court, an axe murderer said to the judge: “I am innocent. It was only an axident!”

2. What do you call a car crash with a lumberjack? An axident.

3. Let me axe you a question. It’s about your neck.

4. The axe says to the wood “I need to axe you a question”. The wood then replies to the axe “Wood you cut it out?

5. When you are recovering from an injury, you would say that “I am back in axe-tion”

6. The time for the peace conference has ended, now it is the time for axe-ing.

7. Amazon just launched their new pharmacy service! – They were going to call it Jeff’s Benzos, but that name got axed pretty quickly.

8. You should axe yourself whether it’s really necessary to chop down that tree next to the woodshed.

9. Did you hear about the lumberjack who helps folks? He does random axe of kindness.

10. Why did Johnny Appleseed carry an axe? – To have better axe-ess to apples. – As told by my 8 year old.

Clever Axe Puns

Axes have been used to cut, split, and shape wood for thousands of years and there are a plethora of puns associated with it. Below, we have plucked few clever axe puns for you.

1. I love your random axes of kindness!

2. During a biology lesson, the teacher asks her student, “What separates your head from your body? The student innocently answers, “The axe!”.

3. “Son, where did you learn to use an axe like that?” “In the Sahara Forest”. “Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?” “Well sir, that’s what they call it now!”

4. Two axes were arguing for ages and finally one said to the other: “I think it’s time we bury the hatchet!”.

5. A man climbs on the tree with his axe. He drops the axe on another man below and says “Oh I am really sorry for that, it is just an axe – cident!”

6. When someone axes you a dumb question, just give them the axe!

7. When firefighters lose their jobs, are they fired or given the axe?

8. Just tried to kill a roach with axe body spray, now his name is Brett and he won’t shut up about cross-fit.

Cute Axe Puns

If you want to share axe puns with your friends and family members, you must pay close attention in order to make your puns better than the others. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of cute axe puns to choose from.

1. How can you tell that an axe thrower loves his assistant? He always misses her!

2. My best friend is arrested by the police because he says that he used to be an axe murder. However, it turns out that he is just a terrible guitarist.

3. I kiss my axe every day, but nobody believes it and says it is disgusting.

4. What deodorant do miners pick? – They pick Axe

5. The lumberjack’s axe broke – He’s really stumped now.

6. When I ask my student to put the word “schedule in a full sentence”. She gives me this “In the shed, you will find an axe.”

7. What is Ant-Man’s secret weapon? – His Thor Axe.

Short Axe Puns

In different countries, axes have a variety of specialized applications and shapes, ranging from weaponry to ceremonial symbols. Here we have rounded up some short axe puns to make everyone laugh in the room.

1. Don’t be a pain in the axe!

2. Axe a silly question and you’ll get a silly answer!

3. Great axepectations.

4. How axeciting!

5. Why did the chicken put the egg on an axe? To hatchet.

6. I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed. It wasn’t very cleaver.

7. I must axe you a question.

8. Let’s kick axe!

9. Hey man, that really looks like a hatchet job!

10. It is a new axe for women!

11. Do not be a pain in the axe.

12. Can I axe you a question?

Axe Puns for Instagram

Looking for Axe Instagram captions? You’ve knocked on the correct door. Here you can find a large assortment of what you are looking for. You may be short on photos, but we guarantee you won’t be short of captions. Your status will be more intriguing thanks to our collection of best axe puns for Instagram.

1. I have a scar from an axe on my finger. It was an axident.

2. Thanks for starting the fire. I appreciate your random axe of kindness!

3. If I were an executioner, I’d rather be the guy swinging an axe than the guy tying a rope.

4. I have got an axe to grind with you!

5. You should be very careful what you axe for this Christmas because you might just get it!

6. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? – Cutting your toe off with an axe.

7. Middle schoolers are – Axe-holes.

Final Thoughts on Axe Puns

We hope so you will find this article of axe puns helpful whenever you need to make your companions laugh.

The axe puns have been around for a long time, and many people use them to make jokes in their regular conversations. These puns are such a frequent means of expressing oneself that it is used almost all over the world and in a variety of industries, you may expect a slew of axe puns.

The word axe has so many hilarious puns that our axe puns list barely touches the surface! We’ll definitely need an axe the next time to get through the avalanche of axe jokes!

We promise, you’ll want to share these hilarious axe puns with all of your friends. We have curated this amazing list if axe puns with one goal: to make you laugh.

We have compiled interesting collection of axe puns and posted them here. We hope you enjoy yourself!

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