All I need to know about "The Bailout"

OK, here it is (caveat: PDF). And here is all I need to know about it...

SEC. 103. CONSIDERATIONS.
In exercising the authorities granted in this Act, the Secretary shall take into consideration—
...
(3) the need to help families keep their homes and to stabilize communities;
...
(6) providing financial assistance to financial institutions, including those serving low- and moderate-income populations and other underserved communities, and that have assets less than $1,000,000,000, that were well or adequately capitalized as of June 30, 2008, and that as a result of the devaluation of the preferred government-sponsored enterprises stock will drop one or more capital levels, in a manner sufficient to restore the financial institutions to at least an adequately capitalized level;
(7) the need to ensure stability for United States public instrumentalities, such as counties and cities, that may have suffered significant increased costs or losses in the current market turmoil;...

And...

(c) CONSENT TO REASONABLE LOAN MODIFICATION REQUESTS.—Upon any request arising under existing investment contracts, the Secretary shall consent, where appropriate, and considering net present value to the taxpayer, to reasonable requests for loss mitigation measures, including term extensions, rate reductions, principal write downs, increases in the proportion of loans within a trust or other structure allowed to be modified, or removal of other limitation on modifications.

And finally...

(2) MODIFICATIONS.—In the case of a residential mortgage loan, modifications made under paragraph (1) may include—
(A) reduction in interest rates;
(B) reduction of loan principal; and
(C) other similar modifications.
(3) TENANT PROTECTIONS.—In the case of mortgages on residential rental properties, modifications made under paragraph (1) shall ensure—
(A) the continuation of any existing Federal, State, and local rental subsidies and protections; and
(B) that modifications take into account the need for operating funds to maintain decent and safe conditions at the property.

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And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I submit that We. Have. Been. Had.

Now again, I'm just an average moron who long before any of this nonsense started locked-in a low (below 5%) fixed interest rate on a 15-year mortgage on a property that was well within my means to afford. And who is currently 5-months ahead on said mortgage on said property that could lose an additional 1/3 of value before we're even close to being upside down. And who carries no (zero, nada, zip) balances on his credit cards from month to month.

In other words - I'm just an average moron who has played by the rules, did everything the way it's supposed to be done, and treated debt with the level of responsibility I was taught to expect of at least nominal adults.

And now I read that, by federal government fiat, some Secretary of the US Treasury Department is going to have the authority - nay, the responsibility and obligation - to re-write the terms of mortgages, up to and including the write-down of freaking principal, obtained by people who had no business obtaining said mortgages in the first place for properties they had no business to be in - all in the name of "preserving home ownership".

Oh, and because the government is going to have to manufacture from unicorn poop the money for this bailiou and I actually pay taxes I get to pay for it twice - once with increased debt payments and again when my alread too damn weak dollar is worth even less next year, and the year after, and the year after.

Oh, and even better, this is among the less deplorable aspects of the bill - because it puts my money into the hands of people I can at least pretend were too stupid to know better. The rest of the stuff I've highlighted above is all going for the benefit of people who, ostensibly, knew better or at least should have. But what the heck, it's only money.

BTW, the "it's only money" argument works pretty well against the fearmongering over the "IMPENDING DEPRESSION" we will "CERTAINLY GET IF WE DO NOTHING!!!". Just saying.

And so now, I get to feel involuntarily like Anne Hathaway - but not in the "especially feminine" way she likes.

Only I'm told that in addition I have to basically lay back, shut up and enjoy it becuase, well, "We just have to do this". In other words, "Lube up, son."

Sorry, pals. This is my stop, and where I get off. You bastards need my money? Well here's the catch - I can take some pretty substantial pay cuts before I can't pay for my basic needs. And I've locked-down my lifestyle for nearly a decade in the past already while I was slaving away at graduate school. I have no problem with downsizing my life - dropping myself well outside my current 25% tax bracket - and just flat-out working less. I'll get to spend more time with my wife and kids, have more time to catch-up on all the stuff I want to read. Sure, I won't get to go on nicer vacations and my teenage daughter won't have nearly as much swag as otherwise - but all things considered that's a pretty small price to pay to avoid a gang rape, to my mind.

You can do this without my consent of course, but you need my money to make this work. Well you (Bush, Paulson, Bernanke, Dodd, Frank, and anyone who signs-on to this cluster-gang-rape) can go to hell. You ain't getting it.

I quit.