Most humans on this planet understand and accept global warming as a matter of faith, but there are a few heretics and non-believers that feel it is all a bunch of hocus pocus without any tangible proof. I felt this way, until events unfolded last weekend that converted me into a true believer.
I had just loosened up my bow tie and was relaxing to a good cup of coffee when two Army intelligence agents approached me with a proposition. They related a fantastic tale of jackbooted liberals seeking an occult power so great that it would make any government invincible, the Global Thermostat. This device of devastating power would allow whoever possessed it to wield trillions of tax dollars, command mighty hurricanes, and even the ability to submerge the world’s greatest cities under fathoms of water.
Intrigued, I set out to with my trusty bullwhip and pistol (yes, it’s a right) on a grand adventure.
More below the fold…
And what a grand adventure it was! I spanned the globe in search of this fabled device battling everything from eco-terrorists to venomous snakes and finally found the Global Thermostat… only to have it slip from my grasp into the hands of the liberals. Tied up and forced to witness the beginning of an AGW dynasty, I watched in terror as a corpulent villain in a double breasted suit slid the dial up on the thermostat. Expecting to see the flood waters rise and the crops begin to wither, I was shocked instead to see an army of polar bears displaced by the pressures of recent population growth wade into the liberal crowd with a hungry vengeance. It wasn’t pretty, but the danger was over, at least so I thought.
Everything was kind of a blur after my rescue. I have been told that the Global Thermostat has been shuffled off into some massive government warehouse, in a place where it can do no harm. But I still worry.
Why?
It was turned off. That’s right, when I found the Global Thermostat it was turned off. Since the beginning of time the temperature and climate of our planet moved in natural cycles, up until that point the idiot in the double breasted suit set the temperature at a fixed point. What will happen after eons of flexibility, that the world is now chained to a fixed temperature without the ability to self regulate?
Actually you’ll have to wait for that answer. It will be coming soon in the next episode entitled, “Quest for the Holy Heat Pump”.
I eagerly await the sequel -- and of course the final chapter of your adventure; "The Kingdom of the Golden Skulls Full of Mush"
Well, I assume that will be the final chapter -- unless of course it become economically viable and an even more "mature" BBK returns in a wheel chair with yet another adventure.